Sex and the City Quotes
Samantha: There's no such thing as bad publicity.
Carrie: Of course you'd say that, you're a publicist.
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Modelizer: Why fuck the girl in the skirt, when
you can fuck the girl in the ad for the skirt?
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Charlotte: How can you forget a guy you've slept
with?
Carrie: Toto, I don't think we're in single-digits
anymore.
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Taxi Driver: No smoking in cab.
Carrie: I'm sorry, we are talking up the butt. A
cigarette is in order.
Charlotte: I just don't want to be known as the
"up-the-butt girl".
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Stanford: I don't like having anything inserted
in my anus, even though it may come as a surprise.
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Samantha: One time I fucked a guy because he had
a swimming pool. I came over and he used to bring
me Kool-Aid.
Carrie: Kool-Aid?
Samantha: I was thirteen.
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Miranda: My fuck buddy moved to Chicago. Now, we
have phone sex.
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Samantha: You dated Mr. Big. I'm dating Mr. Too
Big.
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Charlotte: You have Steve.
Miranda: I don't "have" Steve. There is
no having of the Steve. We're good friends.
Samantha: No, *we're* good friends, but I don't
put my dick in you.
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Miranda: You haven't had a crush since Big.
Carrie: Big wasn't a crush. He was a crash.
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Samantha: I'm a "trisexual". I'll try
anything once.
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Samantha: Until he says "I love you",
you're a free agent.
Carrie: What is this? The Rules According to Samantha?
Samantha: See? I'm more old-fashioned than you think.
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Carrie: One woman's Titanic is another woman's Love
Boat.
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[Charlotte York has just discovered that Samantha
Jones has slept with her brother Wesley]
Charlotte: Is your vagina listed in the New York
City guide books? Because it should be - hottest
spot in town. Always open.
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Samantha: I'm dating a guy with the funkiest tasting
spunk.
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Charlotte: My marriage is a fake Fendi. He can't
even get it up.
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[Upon seeing a firefighter stripper]
Samantha: Hello, 911. I'm on fire.
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Miranda: I know you're probably busy having mind-blowing
sex, but I feel you need to know that your good
friend, Miranda Hobbes, has just taken a piece of
cake out of the garbage and eaten it. You'll probably
need this information when you check me into the
"Betty Crocker Clinic."
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Charlotte: Trey, I am tired of being married to
your penis.
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Samantha: I have a date with a dildo.
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Charlotte: [with a hangover] My hair hurts.
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Charlotte: Schooner and Rebecca need each other.
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Carrie: I'm thinking balls are to men, what purses
are to women. It's just a little bag but we'd feel
naked in public without it.
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Samantha: There isn't enough wall space in NYC to
hang all of my exes. Let me tell you, a lot of them
were hung.
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Samantha: [to her male intern] The bad news is you're
fired. The good news is now I can fuck you.
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Stanford: It's so not fair. All the good ones are
straight... even the gay ones.
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Samantha: [to Carrie about Big] Have fun, just don't
have amnesia.
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Carrie: The universe may not always play fair, but
at least it's got a hell of a sense of humor.
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Charlotte: I don't think she's a lesbian. I think
she just ran out of men.
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Carrie: Someone's definition of what constitutes
cheating is in direct proportion to how much they
themselves want to cheat.
Miranda: That's moral relativism.
Carrie: I prefer to think of it as quantum cheating.
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Trey: You're learning Chinese?
Charlotte: Well, just in case, I want to be able
to speak to the baby.
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[on meeting Big's new girlfriend]
Carrie: Your girl is lovely, Hubbell.
Mr. Big: I don't get it.
Carrie: And you never will.
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[after oral sex on some guy]
Samantha: Could you shave or something? Blowing
you is like getting my teeth flossed.
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Samantha: Look at his robe. So "Robin and his
Merry Men."
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Samantha: You have a lot of nerve telling me to
get a wax. If you were in Aruba the natives could
bead your back.
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Samantha: I'll admit I have had to polish myself
off once or twice, but yes, when I RSVP to a party,
I make it my business to come.
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Samantha: Anything else around here need milking?
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Samantha: Well, I remember when Danny had more than
one thought, and they all involved going up my ass.
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Samantha: Last night I could not stop thinking about
a Big Mac. I finally had to get dressed, go out
and pick up a guy.
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Samantha: Well, I don't know how you people do it.
All that emotional chow-chow. It's exhausting.
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Samantha: What am I supposed to say? "Hi, this
is my lesbian lover. And p.s.: I'm done with dick"?
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Samantha: You've got to get online, honey. If only
for the porn.
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Samantha: You've got to get online, honey. If only
for the porn.
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Carrie: Hi, I'd like a Cheeseburger, please, a large
fries and a Cosmopolitan.
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Carrie: She's shiny Hair Style Section Vera Wang
and I'm the sex column they run next to ads for
penile implants.
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Carrie: I've talked to her twice. Once I was in
a cowboy hat and once I was in my bra. I'm like
friggin' Annie Get Your Clothes On.
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Carrie: Vodka, rum, gin, gay, bi, straight... this
party was a veritable pu pu platter of sexual orientation.
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Carrie: How does that work? You go to bed one night,
wake up the next morning, and poof - you're a lesbian?
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Carrie: Wait a minute. Are we talking tukhis lingus?
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Carrie: How does this happen? How do they get the
message that the ass is now on the menu?
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Carrie: I just left "silent Y" in the
bathroom. Oh and P.S., apparently the eighties are
back.
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Carrie: If by "going," you mean being
taken against my will and kidnapped, then yes I'm
going. So, enjoy me now, ladies, because this weekend
I am Patty Hearst in a mud puddy. I'm a hick town
hostage.
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Carrie: You can't make friends with a squirrel.
Squirrels are just rats with cuter outfits.
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Carrie: The only thing I've ever successfully made
in the kitchen is a mess. And several small fires.
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Carrie: Here. Swear. Swear on Chanel.
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Carrie: So what are we going to do? Sit around bars,
sipping Cosmos and sleeping with strangers when
we're eighty?
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Miranda: Do any of you have a completely unremarkable
friend or maybe a houseplant I could go to dinner
with on Saturday night?
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Miranda: Okay, I'm definitely in the slow sexual
group if even Charlotte is open to this.
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Miranda: Soul mates only exist in the Hallmark aisle
of Duane Reade Drugs.
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Miranda: I made him cry. No, first I yelled at him
- I yelled at my friend the cancer patient - then
I made him cry.
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Miranda: I used to masturbate to a busboy who was
rude to me once. What do you think that means?
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Miranda: Sexy is the thing I try to get them to
see me as after I win them over with my personality.
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Miranda: Women don't care. We care about nice arms,
great eyes, a big dick... I've never once heard
a woman say: "He had such a big full scrotum."
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Miranda: I'm fine... but Charlotte, maybe your "hmmm
hmmm" would like an order of fries?
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Miranda: I don't want a boyfriend who does that.
It's never ok to do that. Wait your turn, shut the
door, do your business.
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Charlotte: Allow me to get right to the point, guys.
After careful consideration, I have decided that
I am getting married this year.
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Charlotte: I read that if you don't have sex for
a year, you can actually become "revirginized".
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Charlotte: Trey, you have a boner... I can't discuss
my notes if you have a boner.
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Charlotte: My vagina's depressed.
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Charlotte: Can you have an affair with your own
husband?
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Charlotte: Look. She's got big boobs. So does she.
It's the big boobs bonanza issue.
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Charlotte: We finally have the penis working. I
don't want to scare it.
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Charlotte: If you had a patient who had a very,
very slim chance of living, would that be good news?
Would you tell the family, "Buck up, he's got
a shot in hell?"
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Samantha: Sex with an ex can be depressing. If it's
good you can't get it anymore, if it's bad you just
had sex with an ex.
Carrie: It wouldn't be bad.
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Samantha: Where were you on your lunch break? I
stopped by your office and you weren't there?
Richard: I was eating.
Samantha: Eating? Eating who?
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Carrie: Maybe the past is like an anchor holding
us back. Maybe, you have to let go of who you were
to become who you will be.
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Carrie: That's another reason I love New York. Just
like that, it can go from bad to cute.
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Carrie: You can't be friends with a squirrel. A
squirrel is just a rat with a cuter outfit.
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Mr. Big: Nice dress.
Carrie: Meaning?
Mr. Big: Nice dress.
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Miranda: [to a heckling construction worker] You
got what I want? You got what I need? What I WANT...
is to GET LAID. What I NEED... is to GET LAID. I
NEED to GET LAID.
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Carrie: Miranda went out with an overeater and he
overate her.
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Samantha: Can we cut the cake? I have to go to a
Three-way.
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Samantha: Come and get me sailors.
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Carrie: [laughing uncontrollably] Wait, Wade, Wait...
The Chicken Wings. If they come in and see billions
of chicken wings they're gonna know
[more laughing]
Carrie: ... that we were smoking the POT.
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Samantha: Money is power, sex is power, therefore,
getting money for sex is simply an exchange of power.
Carrie: Once again, Samantha managed to up-sex me.
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Miranda: After years of odd men, God is throwing
me a bone.
Carrie: And possibly a boner as well.
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Carrie: That night, Trey successfully screwed his
wife for a full minute-and-a-half... before the
wind died.
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Charlotte: You pull me off my unicorn, you tear
away my gossamer petticoats, and you put your 'Schooner'
deep inside my 'Rebecca'.
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Carrie: One woman's pornographer is another woman's
spiritual leader.
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Samantha: The country runs better with a good looking
man in the White House. I mean, look what happened
with Nixon; no one wanted to fuck him, so he fucked
everyone.
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[after hearing Big is moving to Napa, California]
Carrie: If your tired of New York you take a napa,
you don't move to Napa.
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Carrie: [to Samantha] This past week I've seen Miranda's
boobs and Charlotte's boob. Why don't you show me
your boobs too and the circle is full?
[Samantha flashes her boobs]
Carrie: I was kidding.
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[Miranda's new "Weight Watchers" boyfriend
is a messy lover to which Carrie quips]
Carrie: Miranda's over-eater over-ate her.
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Carrie: [about therapists] First they want you to
come there two times a week, then three times a
week, and eventually you're starting every sentence
with 'my therapist says... '
Miranda: My therapist says that's a very common
fear.
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Carrie: Yes, we'd love to meet Wesley of Wesley
and Leslie. And by the way, does he work at Nestle?
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Stanford: I can only stay a few minutes. I got tickets
to the Vagina Monologues.
Carrie: Why?
Stanford: Just because I don't eat at the restaurant
doesn't mean I can't hear the specials.
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Carrie: Miranda was a huge fan of the Yankees. I
was a huge fan of being anywhere you could smoke
and drink at two in the afternoon without judgment.
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Samantha: If we could perpetually do blowjobs to
every guy on earth, we would own the world. And
at the same time have our hands free.
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Samantha: You men have no idea what we're dealing
with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress,
and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing
up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through
our noses. Easy? Honey, they don't call it a job
for nothin'.
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[Charlotte, on seeing the tacky floral arrangement
at Miranda's mother's funeral]
Charlotte: They were supposed to say I'm sorry,
I love you' not 'You're dead, let's disco..
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Charlotte: Is it safe to buy pot from strangers?
Miranda: They're not strangers, they're our new
friends with pot.
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Carrie: And then I realised something, twenty-something
girls are just fabulous, until you see one with
the man who broke your heart.
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Samantha: You get married and hope for the best.
If it dosen't work out you'll get divorced. You
can take tap with Bojangles over here.
Carrie: No I can't take a vow of for ever and ever
if what I mean is for the forseeable future. I couldn't
do that to Aiden.
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Lew: You want to go grab a drink?
Miranda: Yes please, the sight of all these white
teeth is blinding.
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Carrie: You think it's as simple as my dad walked
out therefore I'll always be screwed up about men?
Miranda: My father came home at seven on the button
every night and I still have no clue.
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Samantha: [to the girls] I think I have monogamy.
I caught it from you.
Carrie: Yes, it's airborne.
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Miranda Hobbes: I just got Brady to sleep.
Dr. Robert Leeds: Do you sing to him?
Miranda Hobbes: Only if he's been bad.
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Carrie: This is the day I got arrested for smokin'
a doobie.
[giggling uncontrollably]
Carrie: Did you hear that?
[giggling]
Carrie: I said "doobie".
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Charlotte: I proposed to myself.
Carrie: What?
Charlotte: Yes. I suggested he have a tomato salad,
then I suggested we get married.
Carrie: Wait. What exactly did he say?
Charlotte: Alrighty.
Carrie: Alrighty? He said alrighty? Now I'm thinking
the upsetting thing isn't that you proposed, it's
that you proposed to a guy that says "alrighty."
Charlotte: Oh, Carrie, stop.
Carrie: Alrighty.
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Miranda: I can't believe this. We spend our lives
hiding the fat in our ass and you're putting it
right on your face?
